04 Apr Shying From the Spotlight
Shying From the Spotlight
By LaTasha Littleton-Guthrie, LCSW
I like to think that I am a confident person. I have certainly done a few awesome and brave things in my life: applying to university without telling anyone, finding my own living arrangements and a job once getting in, asking my mom for a ride to college after I’d set it all up by myself, and then becoming the first college graduate in my family (that I knew of at the time). During my college years, I developed a chosen family and support system that had been there for me throughout middle school and high school as well. However, I really started to see the ways they added value to my life.
My friends and family are smart and giving humans. They will drop anything to check in; and they really see me. Funny enough, “BEING SEEN” is one of my most significant vulnerabilities. There is a fear that “being seen” will expose some fatal flaw, such as being dumb, not funny, a terrible human, selfish… you name it. I fear maybe I am not living up to my values or not adding enough value to my interactions with others.
For as longas I can remember, I’ve disliked being the center of attention. When everyone in a group starts to pay attention to what I say, I think, “Make it stop!” Somehow, I felt fine doing feats of agility in front of an audience for my gymnastics meets, or participating in a school play, but reading a poem for the Mother’s Day program, doing an oral presentation, or even working with a small group on a project can evoke the most enormous scared feelings for me.
Fast forward to today, I know I have a natural helpfulness about myself, and I genuinely love to teach others. Helping new trainees in the workplace brings me joy. The moment someone suggests that I be in management or an authority on something, I shy from the spotlight for fear of being exposed as a fraud or undeserving.
I noticed that I am not alone in this feeling. When I am vulnerable with my peers, they validate and share that they have similar fears. So here is how I tend to dea lwith it: As the old saying goes, “Do it scared.”
A colleague asked me to do a guest lecture at a local university. I said, “Sure.” Then, on the day of the lecture, I called my best friend minutes before the lecture and asked, “How bad would it be if I just left now?” Once I walked in and felt a moment of terror, I became increasingly more relaxed as the hour passed, only to receive positive feedback, unlike what I had suspected.
Here are some ways one can deal with fear of the spotlight: Build your tolerance for discomfort / Do it scared.
Anxiety is an alarm system our bodies use to warn us of danger and influence us to take action to remain safe. Sometimes this alarm system is faulty, causing an alert when there is little to no actual threat.
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Work with your emotions instead of against them.
Our instinct for dealing with things we don’t like is to get rid of them. Much like ignoring someone who is upset, if we ignore our emotions, they eventually lash out, typically in the most inopportune moments. Take a moment to acknowledge your feelings, notice what you feel in your body, and what thoughts are coming. You can do this while taking deep breaths and approaching each sensation with curiosity. You can state, “I am experiencing anxiety, but this will pass,” or “Thank you, body, for alerting me; I’ll handle things from here.”
Put your thoughts on trial.
Not all thoughts and feelings are factual; our brain is often good at tricking us and placing a filter on how we see situations and ourselves. Ask yourself, “Will this matter to me a day from now, a week, a month? How true is this thought really?”
Lean on your support system.
For example, in my reluctance to write a blog for all the reasons mentioned before, I began sharing with a colleague and friends, which allowed me to feel less alone in the reluctance and even provided me with a prompt to write about. I learned from them that I can write about my experiences without expecting my voice to be an authority on the topic.
LaTasha Littleton-Guthrie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a master’s degree in Social Work from the University of Oklahoma. She enjoys working with clients of all ages and often incorporates family therapy with her children and teen clients. Her goal is to help others improve their quality of life by recognizing their emotions and thoughts, building social supports, and developing healthy mental health habits. LaTasha has a lot of experience helping children, adolescents, and their parents navigate traumatic experiences and other challenges. She believes families can live more fulfilling lives once they learn skills to improve communication and impulse control. LaTasha has worked with families working through neurodivergence, grief, anger management, homelessness, incarceration, foster care, and abuse issues.
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